While channel surfing, I hit on the show Judge Judy. She had a young separated couple before her. The girl's complaint was that the male, her ex, had stolen from her. The girl had copies of accounts that proved he had used her pin to take money out of her account several times. Apparently the male did not dispute this but Judge Judy didn't bother inquiring, she accepted that he had stolen the money. The result: Judge Judy dismissed the matter. Can you guess why?
Judge Judy asked the girl what she did when she discovered the theft. Did she call the police? No, the girl said, I confronted him. Did she break up with him? No, she said, he said he would pay it back.
So what did she do when he stole from her the next time? Again she explained that confronted him and she believed him when he said he was sorry and would pay it back. She admitted that she continued the relationship in full form even though he never paid any of the stolen money back.
Judge Judy repeated several times to the girl, "You put your future hopes and dreams in a thief." Judge Judy was unimpressed that now, after using such poor judgement, the girl wanted Judge Judy to get her money back. The girl admitted sleeping with the male after the theft. Judge Judy said there is a name for that, it is called forgiveness.
The girl had, by her actions, condoned the theft. Now when the relationship was over, she tried to take this "forgiveness" back. The law does not recognise this change of mind. If you accept wrongdoing against you, if you turn the other cheek, you cannot make a case at a later date. By your actions, you have declared that any wrong that was done is wiped away.
I have seen many people who have made this mistake. It is a mistake of poor self-esteem and lack of assertion of rights. The girl in the Judge Judy case would protest that she didn't deserve to be treated this way, she didn't deserve to be robbed. Unfortunately, her actions do not support her holding such a belief. If she really believed that she didn't deserve to be robbed, the boyfriend is at the police station answering some difficult questions.
Words are cheap. The thief's words are cheap. He never paid her back and stole again. The girl's words are cheap. She didn't act in her own best interests. She didn't back herself with action. Her real agenda was to keep the relationship - even with a thief. But, of course, she couldn't be with a thief, so she refused to look at him closely and chose to believe his hollow words.
The morale of this story? You get what you are willing to put up with. Make sure it is worthwhile.
